The long letter from the irate congregational member complaining about some of the recent changes in the congregation's worship ended with these words: "It's time for us to take back our church!"

The third rule is that communication is best when it is indirect; triangulated. Maybe it is our insecurity. Perhaps it is somehow wrapped up in our human nature, which is in fact broken. But the reality is that we always find it easier to talk about another person, rather than to talk to another person.

The second rule that keeps us unhealthy according to Subby and Friel: "Feelings should not be expressed openly." We don't talk about what is going on inside of us. We don't allow others to really know us. Jesus breaks this rule time and again. When people make judgments against us we tend to react and fight back. But that is not what Jesus did. The disciples didn't share their feelings. They made a judgment in the form of a question, "Don't you care?" Jesus does not react to their attack. Instead, he identified their feelings. He addressed what was really going on inside of them, "Why are you afraid?"

Subby and Friel have identified eight rules that are most common in our lives that keep us unhealthy. I first read their work almost 20 years ago. I realized then how these rules are not only in families. They are in our congregations and, in fact, ingrained in our cultures. The further you go north on the European continent, the deeper the rules are acculturated. Guess what that means for us Lutherans? For us Wisconsinites, how many of the families in our congregations have been affected by alcoholism and how many bring the unhealthy rules to bear on congregational life?

The congregation is more than a garden club. Being an officer of the congregation is not simply filling a slot for the year. The officers of the congregation are officers of a non-profit organization incorporated under state statutes and governed by state and federal laws. The President, Vice-President, and Secretary are the corporate officers with legal responsibilities and fiduciary oversight. Unless otherwise stipulated by the congregation's constitution, the pastor is not responsible for legal matters. It is the officers, not the pastor, who can conduct business on behalf of the congregation; sign contracts, open and close bank accounts, apply for credit and credit cards, pull permits, and ultimately deal with personnel.

It is not uncommon to hear a pastor comment in confusion, "When I interviewed, the call committee made it very clear that this was the direction in which the congregation needed to go. But I have only met with resistance."

In working with a managerial team in a major corporation, one manager told me, "We have only three problems here; communication, Communication, and COMMUNICATION!" Congregations face a similar challenge. How do we inform the congregation of the issues, projects and concerns that the council is addressing? Many congregations have a practice of posting the minutes of the council meeting in the narthex. Some print the minutes monthly in their newsletter. I want to warn against these practices.

Is your congregation in the maintenance mode? Is the focus on paying the bills and living from month to month? The "maintenance mode" is an indicator of poor health or identity issues. Generally this mode stems from a prevailing sense of meaninglessness and purposelessness. Often the primary goal is merely to keep the peace and bury the dead. This posture is fostered in a non-reflective lifestyle wherein the congregation ceases to discern who it is or what it is to be about. The ill health becomes visible in patterns of behavior that expect conformity to "the way we do things here." It is typified with a rather blind allegiance to authority.

It's about more than money, it's about trust. ENRON, on the heels of Sept. 11 and the scandals in the Catholic Church, has left people wondering who they can trust. In light of these public events congregations are seeking more accountability. Open accountability fosters trust. Pastors play a key role in restoring trust. As pastors honor their accountability to the council, trust is built. When pastors and councils act ethically, trust is maintained. In truly living out God's grace and forgiveness, which we know through Jesus Christ, trust flourishes.

No! This is not about pastors being vertically challenged. It is not about the younger generation being raised in a materialistic society and developing an expectation of entitlement. I suggest that the growing ratio of pastoral vacancies has little to do with society and everything to do with the congregation. It has everything to do with the congregation's attitude, self-indulgence and short sightedness. Someone is listening!